log archive #1


1.24.04 | 3:38am UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Hello and welcome back--it's like you never left, right?  Anyway, after much thought and even some rancor, I've come to the conclusion that I must have a yearly Best Of list.  Hey, if Larry King can do it, why not me?  What I'll do for 2003 is just present my picks for the best.  For 2004, I'll nominate one song, one film, one television episode, one television series, one website, one DVD, one video game, one book, and one album per month.  Then, at the end of the year you can all vote for your pick for the "Best of the Best!" (cue cheesy 80's soundtrack)  Either that or I'll just do it myself.  Anyway, without further adieu, I give you:


Best Song: OutKast - Hey Ya!
Worst Song: Fountains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom

Best Album: Audioslave - Audioslave
Worst Album: Whatever crap Nickelback put out this year

Best Film: The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Worst Film: Paycheck

Best Television Series: Tough Crowd starring Colin Quinn - continues to be the funniest show on television
Worst Television Series: anything on UPN

Best Television Episode:
Worst Television Episode: 24: 5pm-6pm

Best Website (other than Fischer.Net):
Worst Website: Daniel Moskowitz' Kickass Webpage

Best DVD: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Extended Edition)
Worst DVD: The Matrix Reloaded

Best Video Game: Grand Theft Auto - Vice City
Worst Video Game: Dance Dance Revolution - you have to dance on a friggin' mat for chrissake!

Best Book: Touch the Void by Joe Simpson - Much like "Into Thin Air" by Jon Krakauer a few years back, "Touch the Void" presents another harrowing story of survival in the face of harrowing circumstances.  Inspirational to say the least, one of those stories that makes you realize how trivial our day-to-day lives have become.  Kind of depressing if you approach it that way, but you catch my drift.
Worst Book
: Teeth of the Tiger by Tom Clancy - If you want a guide to the finest wines, meats, cheese, cuisine, cars, microwaves, suits, and other fashinable apparel, look no further than Clancy's superficial look at his favorites from around the world.  Short on character, long on clunky dialogue, superficial development, and featuring a veritable triptych of information.  If you're looking for a vacation/restaurant guide, step aside Zagut's, hello Teeth of the Tiger.  A very disappointing effort from what had been my author of preference.

1.10.04 | 2:27am
Happy New Year, everybody.  Hope you all had a great time New Year's Eve.  I was able to contain myself and get mildly drunk for the festivities at Bossman's.  I think he was more trashed that night than I could ever hope to be.  And Ross--damn those were some good nachos.

Still plugging away at Adelphia--although there may be some promising news coming soon by way of Pratt & Whitney.  I'll keep you posted.

12.31.03 | 4:13am
Well, howdy-dee people. 2004 is coming soon to theaters near you; hard to believe the year went by that fast.  As I've had myriad chances to peruse the length and breadth of the Internet during my exceptionally boring shifts at Adelphia, I've come upon countless "Years-in-Review" on site after site.  So, in the interest of "fitting in" with the rest of the 'net, I present to you, without further adieu, the Fischer.Net Year in Review!

Headed back to Potsdam for my final semester at Clarkson after an uneventful winter break.  One thing that stands out about this semester is the inevitable senioritis, which had by then set in full-force.  And I don't think many would fare much better than I did--I mean come on--when you're faced with choices like completing your human sexuality report or drinking a bottle of Jaeger, isn't the sane and logical choice Jaeger?  I'm glad you agree.

Ah, the month of love.  And there's nothing I love more than squirrels fighting in my backyard.  But that's another story for another time.  It's around about this time when Pearl Jam's concert dates were announced, and that, along with heavy alcohol consumption, became my focus for a few days.  My attempt to get tickets was rewarded with, well, tickets.  More on that coming in May...

Aye, laddie.

Ah, my 23rd.  "
You're 23 and still in college?!," you shriek.  Well, yeah, you should know I was one of those "special" kids who rode the short bus.  But, seriously, this is when I first began to feel like an old man.  I take a look at the other guys in the house and realize I think of them as "punk kids."  Yep, I'm definitely getting old.

The month five years in the making.  From the Coast Guard Academy to USC to Chicago to UB to Clarkson--what a long strange trip it was. Finally time for graduation--but first, a quick side trip to B-lo for Pearl Jam!  The concert, needless to say, rocked over London and Memphis.  Back to Clarkson, the graduation ceremony itself seemed like the least eventful part of that weekend. Most of the time was spent in the front yard, drinking on the scattered furniture.  Man, "school" never got better than those final days in the yard, drinkin' to our hearts content. Those were the days...sniffle.

Reality sets in.  Shitty job market, no interviews to speak of, save....Electric Boat!  Yeehaw!  More on that in July.  The rest of this month was spent sending out countless resumes, making phone calls, transmitting emails--all to no avail.  I guess I should blame Ames' going under as the reason for the crappiest economy I've known.  Needless to say, the market for entry level aeronautical engineers isn't what it was three years ago, much to my chagrin.  Also in July, a trip to New York City to see Dannyboy's 5th Avenue digs and two nights of Pearl Jam concerts.  Two items of note:  Dan makes a mean bowl of pasta, and Pearl Jam put on perhaps their finest show ever on the 8th.

A real whiz-bang interview was to be had in Groton, Connecticut, home of the illustrious General Dynamics Electric Boat division.  The night before was a memorable one--consisting of beer and grilled pizza at the place next to my hotel.  And all bought with taxpayer money!  Thanks, peeps.  Anyway, the interview went well, or so I thought--I got my friendly neighborhood rejection letter about a month later.  Was it something I said?

Somewhere in here is a trip to the Madden Estate in Amherst--or wherever it is--near Buffalo for what proved to be a regrettable night for Mr. Fischer.  I'm sure you've all seen the pictures (if not, thank Jebus), so I won't elaborate too much more.

Hmmm, what to do, what to do?  No real job, no real prospects, so where do I turn?  Tops Friendly Markets?  Get my old job back as yard boy for Mrs. Jenkins?  Nope, time for something new, time for something stable....  Recently bankrupt corporation Adelphia!  Yeah, that's the ticket for stability!  I got hooked up with a tech support job supporting Adelphia's high speed Powerlink internet service. 

The Buffalo Bills get off to an unbelievable start, crushing the Patriots 31-0 and the Jags 38-17.  Things looked good for the season!
Training begins at Adelphia.  First time I've ever really worked 9-5 days in my life.  Can't say I mind it much.  Got the weekends off, home by 6--life is good!  And I can't complain about the training either--an hour of learning--two hours of breaks!  Is it always gonna be like this?  Weeeeee!

No, decidedly not.  The first bits of trepidation creep in as I realize Adelphia has customers in Alabama, Kentucky, and Hispanic California.  Nothing against hicks, inbreds, Chinese, or Hispanics but dear lord--some of you shouldn't be allowed anywhere near technology in any way, shape or form.  Someone help me, please.
Things seems to be going much the same way for the Bills--after dropping a game in Miami, the offense seems to have gone the way of bell bottoms and porno mustaches.

Settled in at Adelphia, the resumes continue to go out to the aerospace industry--no bites yet.  I continue to plug away at Adelphia, telling West Virginians how to unplug their "rooters" and bashing my head on the desk.

We come to it at last.  Highlights of the December to remember include a new position at Adelphia on the chat team (no more listening to hicks!), the Bills penultimate collapse culminating in the dismissal of GW, and interviews galore!  Two scheduled out in Californ-I-A in February.  Looking forward to the trip out there.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Looking back on the year, it seems a rather unremarkable one--even with the graduation and new job, can't say it's been one for the record books.  Nevertheless, the new year always brings opportunity for a new beginning, a new career, a new car, a new dog, a new yard full of squirrels, a new outlook on life, a new website, a new haircut, a new weight, a new pony (!), and a chance to make up for past mistakes.  Here's hoping you all have a great new year--make it one to remember.

12.25.03 | 2:59pm
Merry Christmas!  Happy Hannukkah!  Happy Kwanzaa!  Happy Polish Christmas! Happy Festivus!

This really hurts my eyes!

12.13.03 | 2:19am

Well, it seems that over the last three months, site traffic has grown ridiculously high (relative to the three and a half hits per month I used to get).  And now, I find it only fitting that it's taken me two months to create an update.   So, without further adieu, a couple months' worth of ramblings...

Due to the hours I've been working (usually getting done around 2:30am), pretty much the only thing to do when I get home is watch an assload of TV and have some delicious CHIPS. There's not much to do other than watch TV or work on my soon-to-be-release memoirs, Shanty: A Special Boy. All this brain-rotting activity has given me the opportunity to find a few new favorite shows I now count amongst my "can't miss" programming.

1. Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn - If you want some real insight into how hateful and envious standup comics are, look no farther.  This is probably one of the three funniest shows on television, and I think it's the first time I've actually enjoyed something Colin Quinn has done.  My go-to Tough Crowd lineup: Nick DiPaolo, Jim Norton, Patrice O'Neal, and Greg Giraldo....nonstop laughs guaranteed.

2. Howard Stern on E! - Yeah, I know, it's lowbrow, but is there anything funnier than watching a revolting fat guy get spun around on a wheel to determine whether or not a dumbass stripper is going to get whacked on the ass with a giant fish?  I think not; call me crazy.

3. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - Who knew wry cynicism could be so hilarious.  Seriously, if Jon Stewart gets any funnier, he will explode in a violent display or sarcasm.

4. Around the Horn/Pardon the Interruption - There are few things I enjoy more than Woody Paige attempting to talk about hockey, baseball, or basketball and sounding like a blithering idiot; and Tony Kornheiser slowly building to a near fever-pitch rant about the Trampoline Bear or "his boy," Steve Spurrier.

Guilty Pleasure of the Week: the Mortal Kombat theme.

Line of Fire: new show on ABC.  I like where this show appears to be heading--here's hoping some gutless executives at ABC don't get within a hundred miles of it and try to tone it down so it's like every other crappy show on television.

24: Has any show become more disappointing than this one?  I swear to christ, I think the writers fell off the dumbass truck on the way to Stupidtown.  Do they really think their audience consists of 5-year old, blabbering idiots?  ;lakj;gblakhb;lkhbg;  Start writing for a post-4th grade audience please, you douchebags.

Jon Stewart has gotten so funny he will soon implode and become Don Imus. (I guess I should've mentioned that earlier).

I've been working at Adelphia now for a few months, recently getting promoted to the "Chat" Team.  Basically, I no longer have to listen to the hideously unintelligent Kentuckyians (no offense to the ones who at least have an 8th grade education) talk about their "rooters" and why they won't work because there's cat shit all over them.  Instead, I get to endure enlightening conversations as follows (and I shit you not, this is verbatim from earlier today):

Thank you for contacting Adelphia Technical Support, how may I help you today?
fmunoz: Hi Jeff, since this morning I have been unable to send any email, but I can receive on webmail.
Okay, I want you to open up a new Internet Explorer window and type in "webmail.adelphia.net" (without the quotes) in the address bar.
fmunoz: OK

5 minutes pass...

Jeff: How are we doing, is anything coming up?
fmunoz: webmail.adelphia.net, how do I get there? Should I open another explorer?

Jeff explodes.

Jeff: Yes, as I said, you need to open another Explorer window and type in webmail.adelphia.net.
fmunoz: OK

5 more minutes pass...

Jeff: How are we doing, did you get to the page?
fmunoz: it can't find the page

Jeff gets close to exploding again.

Jeff: Okay, let's try this one more time, make sure it only says "webmail.adelphia.net" (w/o the quotes) in the address bar.
fmunoz: OK I got it
Jeff: The page came up?
fmunoz: Yes.
Jeff: Okay, now I'd like you to log in with your username (fmunoz) and password.

5 minutes pass...

fmunoz: It's asking me for my username and password.

Jeff explodes for the second time.

Jeff: Yes, go ahead and log in.
fmunoz: OK
fmunoz: Do I need to open another explorer?

Jeff readies gun to kill himself...

Jeff: No, log in with your username and password and you should see your Inbox.
fmunoz: OK
fmunoz: Ok, I got it.
Jeff: Do you see a list of messages there?
fmunoz: Ok, I have three options.

8 days pass...

fmunoz: find messages, poll accounts, poll all accounts
Jeff: No, I just need to know if you see any messages.
fmunoz: 0 messages, 0 new
Jeff: Ok, I want you to now send an email to yourself.  Click on the Compose link and then type in your email address in the To: box.
fmunoz: OK

5 more interminable minutes

Jeff: How are we doing. 
fmunoz: Okay, I sent it and it's in my inbox.
Jeff: Okay, so you can send and receive email.
fmunoz: Yep, thanks!

fmunoz has left the room

Jeff kills himself.

On the aeronautical engineering front, no news to report.  I'm beginning to believe that planes will no longer be utilized in the future, everyone will travel in tubes.  That Bachelor of Science degree sure has come in handy thus far.  Seriously, however, I'm gearing back up for the job search and plan to head out west as soon as possible so I can concentrate on some of the firms in Washington and California.  I may meet up with the Dubester so he can show me the set of ER and get me a role as a homeless drifter high on crystal meth.

Buffalo Bills -- anyone still remember 31-0?

RIP Grandma Fischer - go Pitt

Pearl Jam Update: Live at the Garden and Lost Dogs in stores now--why don't you have six copies of each already?

Is there anything more irritating than ID3 tags?

Anyone gonna be home in December for the holidays?  I haven't been drunk for at least four months, and I think I'm due.  Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

Damn, that update was deceptively long.  Hope you enjoyed, b/c it's all you guys are gonna get for a while.  Stay tuned for some music and movie reviews, if you're lucky.  Until next time, keep watching the stars and hoping you don't get mauled by a bear.  Later.

hey Jen

10.1.03 | 8:56pm

Back after quite an absence, I come bearing news of all sorts.  Okay, not really, just a quick update actually.  I've been working at Adelphia for a while now and getting into the swing of things. Aside from the occasional barking dog drowning out all conversation, I've gotten to enjoy working on the phones and helping slack-jawed yokels learn the intricacies of turning their monitor on.  Fun stuff.

Since my last update, the Bills haven't done quite as well as I might've liked, falling to the decrepit Dolphins and equally challenged Eagles.  There's only one surefire cure for the team's late woes:  the Cincinnati Bengals.  Here's hoping for 42-0 this Sunday. 

I've update a few sections of the site and am working feverishly on fixing the image gallery.  I've seen a jump in hits as of late, mainly due to my compatriots from Red Mosquito.  Welcome to the land of all things Fischer!

And for all you EA "chums," feel free to drop me a line, I've seen a few queries from some unknown IP addresses and am curious as to their true identity.  That's all for now, stay tuned...

9.7.03 | 4:52pm
9.5.03 | 5:00pm

Well, a new look was hinted at in the Site Evolution and here it is!  Borrowing heavily from the University at Buffalo website, this new look promises to be a bit more sophisticated (read: more difficult to navigate but looks damn good) and professional.  I'll be working out myriad tweaks over the next month, hopefully culminating in a new web domain (gotta secure it first) and all new sections sure to amaze you.

In the meantime, check out the different departments and let me know if something's not working--and let me know what you think!

8.24.03 | 12:48am

Howdy, folks.  Fat Jak Jones was back in town at the beginning of last week, so we took a jaunt up to Bossman's Los Robles estate.  It's nice to see that, almost six years after graduating high school and a year removed from college, that we still act like 12-year olds whenever we get back together.  What do I mean by that?  Well, all we needed to entertain ourselves was a weak flashlight and the belief that we were surrounded by skunks that sounded like rattlesnakes.  Need I say more?  Anyway, it was a good time.

Also, check out Reno 911 on Comedy Central; best new show on television.

7.22.03 3:27pm

Back after a bit of an absence (although I'm back in a much shorter time than what you might expect from Moskimonster's or Biff's websites), and there are a few things to update you on.  As I mentioned on the 10th, my WPJAA Tour is finally over after the last stop in Hershey, Pennsylvania.  The show was great, you can read the review when I get it up, but the focus here will be on Hersheypark itself.

Hersheypark was founded in 1822 by midgets with an unnatural affinity for bad skin...no, seriously it was founded by lemurs.

Anyway, the place is a lot like Six Flags, except instead of concession stands where you might find soda or water or some hot dogs, there are stands that sell nothing but Hershey bars, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Mars bars, and chocolate milk.  Sounds great, you say?  HAH!  Uh, well, it is great, although the lack of hot dogs is disturbing.  Anyway, there was a new candy stand every time you would turn around, and the size of the portions was ridiculous.  I think the Hershey bars ranged in offerings from the weight of a newborn calf to over a metric ton.  Amazing stuff.  Alas, I have no pictures of any of this so you'll just have to take my word for it--or go to the Hersheypark website and admire the endless mounds of acne-inducing goodness.

My job search is still ongoing, with trips to Lockheed-Martin and Boeing upcoming.  I've updated my resume, so hopefully that will be the final piece of the puzzle that rockets me to the top of the aerospace industry in a blaze of ultimate glory.  OR--not.  Regardless, I'll let you know how it goes.

I'd also like to reiterate how good Pearl Jam is:  Pearl Jam is damn good.

7.10.03 7:22pm

Dear lord what a coupla days in NYC.  I'm thrillingly exhausted, all ready for Hershey on Saturday to close my Whiz-bang Pearl Jam Across America Tour, hope you've all enjoyed it as much as I have.  I'll probably post a few wrap-up thoughts after Saturday's review goes up.  Until then, I'll be hibernating...

I should also mention I am just about out of web space, so if anyone out there can provide a temporary home for Fischer.Net (preferably with an assload of free space handy), please let me know ASAP.  I just need something to tide me over until I decide upon a domain name (dogs-on-minibikes.gov, anyone?)

7.3.03 6:46pm
Check out the Pearl Jam section for my Montreal review. 

I'm heading down to NYC on Monday for a rip-roaring two-night Pearl Jam extravaganza in Madison Square Garden.  Should be a great two nights.

I also just got back from Groton, Connecticut for a job interview with General Dynamics' Electric Boat division (they make nuclear subs for the Navy Crimson Tide-style wooo!), and it went great.  So, in a month or two I could be the newest employee of the U.S. government, so watch yo' back, foo!

6.27.03 8:53pm - J'ai besoin de mon Pearl Jam!

Yo-ho-ho.  I'm off to Potsdam tomorrow to pick up some more stuff from school and then it's once again time for Pearl Jam in lovely downtown Montreal.  I'll have a full report of the weekend's festivities when I get back on Monday. 

Once again, I am advertising the availability of tickets for one of the New York shows.  Turns out I'm gonna be staying with Dannyboy in his extravagant 5th avenue digs.  Yeeehaw!

6.21.03 8:37pm - "i got my time machine, got my 'lectric dream"



Sorry, I'm in the middle of listening to the Buffalo Pearl Jam show.  Good stuff.

Anyway, I'm fresh back from Chicago to see the aforementioned greatest band in the world; my review and some pictures are up in the Pearl Jam section.  I've added a couple of shows to my "itinerary" so if you're interested, let me know, tickets are still available, and if I don't hear from my faithful readers soon they're going to eBay!

Montreal 6/29: working on it
New York 7/8: working on it
New York 7/9: Tickets in hand, more info to come
Hershey, PA 7/12: 2 tickets in hand, 1 available
Holmdel, NJ 7/14: working on it

I added a couple of pictures to the Buffalo Pearl Jam gallery.  Enjoy.  That's all for now.

6.17.03 7:41pm
Heading to Chicago tomorrow for PEARL JAM!! 

The ticket tally as of today:
New York 7/8:
2 tickets, 1 available
New York 7/9: 2 tickets, 1 available
Hershey, PA 7/12: 2 tickets, 1 available

Again, let me know if interested, they're going to be $40 to 50 for each ticket; if someone decides to go to both New York shows, I'll let the tix for those two shows go for $30 each; although the hotel cost will still factor in, unless you want to sleep in an ATM vestibule.  More as it develops...ciao.

6.10.03 - Take a bottle, drink it down...   [UPDATED]

Some sections of the site have been taken down for maintenance and space considerations, so bear with "us" as "we" at Fischer.Net make a few changes.  Currently at work on overhauling Pearl Jam section, adding a "Film Review etc." section, keep checking back for a few other surprises. 

I should note that no one was able to find the latest incarnation of the Secret Page without my help, so I had to show Dirty Frank (P.J.) where it is.  With its location disclosed, I've been forced to change its location and links.  For the record, the link was the 'Hail, Hail' link on the No Code album page in the Pearl Jam section.  I dropped a clue in the "Secret Link" page, which linked off of the Links page.  It was so damn easy.  Losers.

In far more important news, I have been relentlessly pursuing Pearl Jam tickets for the 6/18 Chicago show, the 7/8 and 7/9 New York City shows, and the 7/12 Hershey, PA show.  The tally as of right now:

Chicago 6/18: 2 tickets
New York 7/8: 2 tickets, 1 available
New York 7/9: 2 tickets, 1 available
Hershey, PA 7/12: 2 tickets, 1 available

If you're interested in going to any of these shows, please let me know ASAP as I'd like to either get rid of them or get cash money for them from whoever is going so the sooner the better.  If I get the tickets for Columbus or Chicago, they'll be relatively cheap but the seats aren't bad (wish me luck on eBay).  FYI, the 7/8 and 7/9 seats are in the 300 level, so not great but hey it's PJ in NYC, baby.  The Hershey tickets are probably the second best of the bunch but not as good as my floor seats from back in May in Buffalo.  The Columbus seats are on the floor in row 20 so they're damn good.  Obviously, with the New York shows being back to back, it would probably make the most sense for the same person to go, BUT I suppose two different people could go and one could hang out in the hotel or go get a hooker while the other one goes to the show, which show I leave up to them.  I'm also attempting to get Letterman tickets for either the 8th, 9th, or 10th as well, so that could be an added bonus if it pans out.  Once again, let me know ASAP! Good times to be had!!!

The job search is going none too well, NO ONE is hiring right now and out of the 350 or so resumes I've sent out, I've gotten replies from about 8% of the companies.  GAH!  One can only hope the aerospace industry picks up and right soon or there'll be hell to pay if I'm working as an airport janitor a year from now....hmm, that actually sounds promising--mop and bucket here I come!

More shortly...

Added some stuff. 

Trying to plan a trip to NYC around the July 8-10 area (I've got tickets for the Pearl Jam show there on the 9th and am trying to secure Letterman tickets as well).  Let me know if you're interested.

5.25.03 3:25am
Added my Pearl Jam review from May 2nd to the PJ page; read at your leisure.

Browse around for some of the myriad other updates.

5.16.03 1:59am
Okay, it's official, 'Matrix Reloaded' kicks ass upon a second viewing.  All who disagree can eat it.
5.15.03 I just reloaded in my pants
10pm: saw 'Matrix Reloaded'

12:25pm: finished watching 'Matrix Reloaded'

12:26pm: disappointed with 'Matrix Reloaded'

2:01am: need to see 'Matrix Reloaded' again because the more I think about it, the better the movie is

Word to the wise: don't judge this movie 'til you've seen it twice...and stick around for after the credits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The day is finally here, I'll let you know how it went.
5.3.03 HOLY F**K!

Damn.  What a night.  Just got back to Potsdam after seeing Pearl Jam in Buffalo last night.  I'm still too shocked to write a review of the show--it was freakin' unbelievable...the best show I could have hoped for.  More coming shortly...

In the meantime:
Buffalo News Review
Concert mp3's (download the Bit Torrent program and then download the Buffalo show)
Concert Pictures

4.26.03 3:21pm
Back with a brief update.  Finally done with classes here at Clarkson, what a bitterSWEET day that was.  Graduation is only 14 days away!

Reminder:  Pearl Jam concert May 2nd, for those in Buffalo, we'll be arriving at my house around 4ish.  Ross, pregaming at your place?  Then we've gotta be at HSBC around 6, concert starts at 730ish, and then it's Chippewa time! 

I added those images of us stealing cars to the image gallery and updated the Song of the Week; enjoy.

4.20.03 4:49AM  Real estate is the final frontier.......................................................


i am NOT d-runk

4.14.03 8:13pm

Well, we've had our last contact from JayMan I'm afraid.  He's gone to Mongolia and said he's not coming back.  Apparently the real estate market is much more lucrative in Mongolia.  Best of luck, JayMan.

4.13.03 11:59pm

Well, I've heard some more from JayMan and, inexplicably, he seems to think that he is NOT Roger Daltrey.  In an effort to humor him, I said "oh yeah, then who are you, chief?"  To which he replied:  "I'm Terry Tate, dammit!"  I yelled "SUMBITCH!" and promptly hung up the phone.  A short time later, I received a pic from him:

"Get me a pickle, sumbitch!"

So hopefully this mystery is finally solved.

If you haven't seen the new trailer for The Matrix Reloaded, well HOT DAMN! Go get it!

In other news, I'm in the home stretch of my final year at Clarkson.  Still no job and no real prospects, so I think I'm gonna collect cans for bottle returns for a while, sell squirrel hides, and prostitute my mind for a while until things pick up.  Any suggestions you've got would be most appreciated.

Also tonight, we enacted Operation DUDEWHERESMYCAR with exciting and successful results.  We had our annual TDK Founder's Day the past few days so this weekend a large tent was set up in the backyard for our "formal" dinner on Saturday night.  The tent was still up today, so the thinking was we should steal some cars of unsuspecting brother in the house and put them inside the tent.  It seemed the right thing to do.  So I think we ended up with seven cars and sent an email under a false name and held the cars for ransom.  I'll have some more pics up of that soon.

I'll be coming home May 2nd and 3rd for the Pearl Jam concert so if you wanna hit Chippewa Friday night, Ross will meet you at The Steer.

And in news I'm sure everyone will be relieved to hear, Julio Gutierrez was finally apprehended last Thursday by the Royal Canadian Air Force in Alberta.  He had been on the lam for well over five years, leaving in his wake countless broken hearts and nuts.  Only time will heal the wounds he's created with his devious and cowardly ways.   

Rare photograph of Gutierrez taken by a lemur

That's all for now, I should mention someone found the Secret Page, so I've changed the links and hidden location a bit.  The first one other than Geoff to get me the URL will win a 1984 Buick LeSabre with 20-inch rims.

4.7.03 3:41pm

I have yet to hear from anyone who has found the Secret Page; you're all pathetic so I've had to add yet another clue somewhere on the site.  Happy hunting.  (the first one to send me the correct URL of the page will receive five tickets to Cats)

4.6.03 10:31pm

It's rare that I find something that makes me laugh out loud (Ross yelling out "CHIPS!," Dan misspelling 'the,' a monkey washing a cat) but this made me do just that so I thought I'd share it for one and all: New Budweiser Ad (requires Windows Media Player).

4.6.03 9:56pm

I've had a few conversations with JayMa--I mean Roger Daltrey, and I am happy to report that he is glad that his true identity is finally out in the open.  My guess is we'll never hear from him again, as he said he was traveling to Ecuador for the Plaid Pants Convention.  Godspeed, Roger!

4.3.03 7:28pm

Well, as you can see, we've got some major updates underway.  I'll be tweaking things quite a bit in the next week.  In the meantime, let me know what you think!

4.1.03 7:13pm - U.S. ATTACKED BY ARMY OF RABID DOGS!!!
Well, I was contacted by JayMan a short time ago and it is time to reveal his identity:

that's right, it's none other than Roger Daltrey from The Who!!!!

3-28-03 1:53pm
I added a gallery of Bergin' pics from yesterday.  Check 'em out!

In other news, I think I may have come upon the identity of the enigmatic "JayMan."  Confirmation coming shortly...
3-25-03 12:13pm


3-24-03 7:42pm

Greetings, faithful readers.  I'm back from a refreshing spring break in Phat Aurora, where it was, I'm happy to report, a balmy 65 degrees the day I arrived home.  It nearly rivaled the 95 degrees of Cancun, but I didn't have to deal with dirty Mexicans (my apologies to any dirty Mexicans reading this page....where the hell'd you come from?).

In other news, France sucks ass.  And does anyone else find this gut-wrenchingly disgusting?:

With all due respect to those with dissenting opinions concerning the war, I'd like to take everyone who shares the sentiments exhibited above and send them off to be tortured in Syria along with this Asan Akbar asshole.  These people aren't Americans, they're treasonous, despicable human beings.  May they rot in hell.

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, The Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war."              -Anonymous

3-10-03 1:56am

The DVD Zone is no more.  It was just too crazy to contain.  For your DVD fix, check the About the Author section.

2-25-03 11:23pm

Heeeeeeeeeey.  What the hell is up in da hood?  YEAH.

So, I'm in the midst of designing this unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV) that must be capable of splitting off into two distinct aircraft and then linking up once again--in midair.  My design group's gotta write a formal paper on the subject and present it at the Symposium for Undergraduate Research in April--should be phat!  Just thought I'd offer a glimpse into just what I do here at the college named "Most Asstastic" by US News & World Report (I think it was the July issue). 

My other focus this semester is a balsa wood glider!

It's also colder than a glass of lemonade up here.  We all found an inch (a freakin' inch!) of solid ice on the entirety of our cars.  Eight broken scrapers later, the ice is still there.  If you haven't already heard, I've obtained tickets for Pearl Jam in Buffalo on May 2nd.  Tickets are going fast, there's a bunch of guys going from up here in Potsdam, as well as Ross and Danny boy (by the way, he's been updating his webpage on a regular basis now--but that simply means that he adds a tiny gif everyday, usually consisting of a squirrel's ear, which I might add, is the funniest thing I've seen in a month):

Also, I want to point out the wicked new DVD ZONE--wooo, it's crazy--it's a ZONE!!!!!  Nothing says crazy like the word "ZONE!!!!!" YEEHAW!!!!

That's all for now, don't expect an update for a little while (and by "while" I mean a few days, not a few years--DAN!).

Oh yeah, I also added some tooltips to the menubar!!!! I'VE GONE CRAZY!!! WOOO!!

2-22-03 9:41am

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum, mateys!  In other news, I have recently acquired eight (8) tickets for Pearl Jam on May 2nd at 7:30pm at HSBC Arena in balmy Buffalo, NY.  Any parties interested had best contact me soon.  It's gonna be phat!

2-5-03 11:47pm

Hey folks, back with another update. School's going well, can't complain there--I'm taking a crapload of electives so there ain't much work involved.  Not as great on the job front.  Between 9-11 and Columbia, I'm gettin' shafted for all the good jobs.  I guess I should hope Saddam really screws up--it could mean big cash for me if Bush lays the hammer down. 

I'll be heading home this weekend for our February break to do some laundry.  I'd also be open to heavy drinking.  Talk to you soon. 

2-3-03 1am

Wudup, my peoples.  Pearl Jam's coming to Buffalo on May 2nd to HSBC; let me know if you're interested ASAP.

1-28-03 3am



1-23-03 1:57PM


1-14-03 1:16pm

Happy New Year!  Hope everyone had a whizbang of a time over the holidays, I sure did and I'm sad to see them go.  Awww.  Anyway, I'm settled back up at school, ready for a slamtastic 21-credit semester, I can hardly wait.  More importantly, this is my LAST semester here at Clarkson and it's gonna be time for the real world before I know what hit me.  Time flies when you've taken a lot of naps.  What?

Anyway, expect sporadic updates, as I'll have plenty of work to get done.  Just to be safe, check back eight times daily so you won't miss a thing! 

And Dan, I wanna see more progress with that damn webpage, taking naps is no excuse.

Just call me "The Rambler."

Peace out.

12-24-02 1:39am
Well, both Ross AND Danny Moskowitz have finally updated their webpages, so I find it necessary to keep up with those two ass bandits.  So here is a freakin' update, yeehaw.
12-16-02 3:07am - Chanukah or Hanukkah?

Well, I'm finally done with a long-ass semester, filled with all manner of "jolly" times.  Exams, aircraft design projects that would make your head explode even if you didn't bash it with a sledgehammer beforehand, and of course, the absolutely, downright lovely administration of Clarkson University.  What more could you want?  (I'm not going to elaborate)

Anyway, I'm back home in EA, ready to return to the vortex that is Tops Friendly Markets.  Pacino was right, they'll pull you back in every time.  I do, however, look forward to some quality time with the Jimmys and the newly constructed potato gun.  And don't forget Chugger Ray, just thinking of his friendly visage makes me misty.

In site-related news, I'm tweaking it as aforementioned, comments are welcome. 

AND WHO IS JAYMAN?? Happy Holidays.

-"And keep looking for the secret page!" 
-Who the F wrote that??  I think someone's trying to take over my webpage...


12-3-02 4:25pm
Yo, check out the new style, yo.  Tweaking to come...
12-2-02 7:53pm

Wudup peeps.  Fresh back from Thanksgiving break, oh there are so many stories to tell:  Chugger Ray, rolling an Explorer, firing potatoes at Chugger Ray...ah, the fun never stopped.  Get those pics up, Ross!

I have been contacted by Jayman and I have become convinced that he and Chugger Ray are one and the same, or maybe just siblings (or maybe even the long lost Chugger Jim?).  More as the investigation develops...



12-2-02 7:53pm
Wudup peeps.  Fresh back from Thanksgiving break, oh there are so many stories to tell:  Chugger Ray, rolling an Explorer, firing potatoes at Chugger Ray...ah, the fun never stopped.  Get those pics up, Ross!

I have been contacted by Jayman and I have become convinced that he and Chugger Ray are one and the same, or maybe just siblings (or maybe even the long lost Chugger Jim?).  More as the investigation develops...
11-19-02 7:54pm "this broken wheel is coming undone"
If you haven't bought Riot Act yet, then get your lazy ass out of your chair and get to a store near you.  It rocks the house morning, noon, and night.  Also, go buy Conan on DVD.  Arnold's audio commentary doesn't quite top the "lamentations of the weoeoeooeomen" speech, but it's pretty close.

In other news, I'll be home next week for some fat turkey!  Let's pick it up a bit on the QotW, foos!  I've had half a response so far.  UNACCEPTABLE.  Jayman, where are you?

Has anyone seen the newly-banned footage of the skiing camel???  Stay tuned, I'm staging an infiltration into the vault.  You'll see it here first if I make it out alive.

11-12-02 1:54am
I'm sitting here at my computer, attempting to finish a design report...but I don't think it's gonna get done...

Anyway, Ross, I'm sorry to hear about the crabs.  Have you tried Manchu Wok?  It's right next to Ted's Hot Dogs.

And don't forget about the Fischer.Net 2,141st Visitor Grand Prize Sweepstakes!  Be the 2,141st hit on my site and you'll win an all-inclusive, all expenses paid vacation to Barbados, along with $2,141 spending cash! (employees and anyone who has ever come to this website is not eligible, see contest rules for eligibility requirements, no purchase necessary)

Did I forget to mention that Riot Act comes out today?

Also, I should note that the Secret Page has been updated once again.  Happy hunting...

11-4-02 7:18pm Short Attention Span Theater

Shitstorm now over.  WOO.

Anyway, things are fan-freakin-tastic, as always.  I've had a great semester so far, full of doin' crack and smokin' J's!  No, but seriously, did anyone tape Letterman last Friday?  I really wanted to catch Don Rickles in action and I missed it.  DAMN IT!  In other news, we had a sweet Halloween party in the basement of the bar last Thursday, I dressed as a commando.  That's right, no underpants for me. 

I'll be home for Thanksgiving, we needs to be planning the annual football game (i.e. Dannyboy start lining stuff up).  Anybody wanna go to the Bills game that weekend???  I don't know if they're home or not, let me know if interested and we'll work it out.  Hope all is well with everyone, haven't heard from anybody in a while.  I guess that means you're spending too much time browsing the site.  Speaking of which, I updated the calendar.

I'm gonna go take a nap.

10-15-02 3:52pm

Shitstorm of the century is underway...I'll let you know how things go in about a month...and don't ask in the meantime...


10-8-02 8:26pm
Redid the Pearl Jam page; enjoy--I know I did!  I know, I know, you can't wait for an update to the Tom Clancy page.  Well, fear not, it's on the way.


10-7-02 2:10pm
Howdy, back with a brief but oh-so-important update.  I've got a progress report on the ole' job search, got me an interview next week with Lockheed Martin; wish me luck.  I'll write more after my nap...

Also, keep in mind that when responding to the QotW, the "answers" must elicit a guffaw on my part.  Anything less will be thrown in the trash!

Experimenting...do not adjust your television set...

Moved old postings to Archive.

In other news:
SAHAGUN, Spain (AP) -- A community of nuns who live off profits from cookies they bake and sell were robbed of a reported $6,000 while attending Mass.

Album art for Riot Act added to PJ page.
Gonna be home Thursday night...party at Bossman's!

Added some phat pics to the Image Gallery!

In other news, I received this reply from the enigmatic "Jayman:"

Re:  9/14/02 - WHO IS JAYMAN?????????????!!     I am.  Simply stated.  Some guy from the East Aurora area who was tipped off to your site from Ross's site.  I was tipped off to Ross's site back when it was cool.  Before it sucked.  Who am I really?  Some guy, particularly THAT GUY.   Not to be confused with "THE MAN."  You know how it is...   You the man!    No!  You the man!  How could I possibly be the man when you the man!?!?!        That's because I'm "that guy."  That's why, when people walk up to be, they say, "Hey!   You're THAT GUY!"   Yes I am.  Do you know me?    Probably not.     Have you ever seen me?   Yes you probably have.   And I probably scared you.    Ha!   That's who JayMan is.   Ask nicely and I'll give you an eMail address to me.           L8r.

The plot thickens...please, send me your e-mail, JayMan.

Who's gonna be home the 27th thru the 1st???

Website renovations coming soon (I'm getting bored)...

Speaking of skunks, after having a few pops last night, I noticed a skunk in our backyard.  Well, of course, you know what happened next.  I rummaged through our sports equipment, found a bocce ball, and proceeded to chuck it at the skunk.  Ross, skunks can spray about four feet, I've estimated.

In other news, check out the PJ section, you can check out the track listing for Riot Act as well as take a listen to the first single off the album, 'I Am Mine.'  Enjoy.

WHO IS JAYMAN?????????!!

God bless America.

"Riot Act" coming November 12th....

9-9-02 - Cookin' hot dogs on the sidewalk
Hey folks, it is damn hot up here in Potsdam.  Sorry I couldn't make it to the Jones Estate on Saturday, I trust everyone is heavily bruised from frozen hot dogs and that at least seven plastic chairs were broken and subsequently burned.  Yeah, um, word.

Anyway, I'm gonna be busy this semester with frat stuff, coursework, and of course, finding a damn job (if there happen to be any astronauts or senior aeronautical/aerospace engineers reading this page, gimme a call and gimme big cash), so I won't have an abundance of time to devote to this little web venture of mine--AH, my leg itches--so be patient.  The QotW may have to become the QotWIFLI (figure it out), so to whoever Ross' mad arch-nemesis may be, you'll just have to shut up and deal, yo!  Peace out.

Finally back at school...stay tuned...
Just saw "Mulholland Drive" last night.  Holy crap.  Go rent it.  I'm not necessarily recommending it as a "good" film, but I think I can guarantee that you'll be thinking about it for days afterward (if you have any intellectual curiosity whatsoever).  In other words, it's f**ked up, yo!
8-4-02 - Sony is Japanese for "large man who eats bikes"
Yeah, so we had this family reunion today at my house and DAMN, did we have some good eats.

Summer's drawing to a close, so those of you yearning to do something of a wizzbang best start plannin'.  I'm heading back on the 19th, but may return for the Jones Slam-o-Rama Graduation Party at the Jones' Estate starring Jones of the Jones Estate.  I think it'll be a great time, as I'm sure there's gonna be a buncha MILFs there, as someone may attest to.

In other news, I got a receiver to add another piece to my "home theater entertainment life-sustaining" system.  So, now I can hear explosions, car chases, and sidesplitting comedy at an ear-shattering 8,000 decibels (with phat bass!).  Swing by and check it, yo!  If anyone would like to donate a widescreen HDTV for seven dollars, just load up the truck and bring it by.

Anyway, hope you're having a good summer, I'm not! 

So, I says to dis guy, "Hey, that's not a llama to be trifled with!"  Indeed.
7-27-02 5:52pm
Just added a Tom Clancy page; don't expect much interest, but hey--eat it! Red Rabbit due out August 5th!
7-27-02 12:41am
I just had some chicken wings.
Moved some entries to the archive; link to NYC Trip Report now on About the Author page.

As far as who won the aforementioned staredown, I'm still too shaken to talk more about it...

I was just locked in an intense staredown with a squirrel for nearly five minutes.
New Pearl Jam album in November!  Yeehaw!  Check my PJ page for all the latest info.
6-23-02 - False Enthusiasm!!!
NYC Trip Report revised!!!  Now with improved grammar, diction, and even more hilarious comments, pictures, and observations!!!

Ross, Dan, Martha et al: what's the deal with our "Trip Across America" in August?  Is this being planned or are we just going to "let it happen?" (i.e. do nothing and hope an RV drops out of the sky?)

Hell froze over, I got a cell phone.

Small update to NYC Trip Report; see if you can find it.
6-17-02 - UPDATE
Yo, the NYC Trip Report is now up and running for your browsing pleasure...enjoy.

No, the trip report is not up yet, I am working diligently...waiting on Bossman for those pics, dammit!  You sumbitch!  Occupy yourself with the Question of the Week while you people are waiting--I want some quality responses this time!  (although 'JEBUS!' ain't bad)

Also, I've created the first archive of posts on this, the main page.  You can find the link at the bottom of dis page.  Ciao.

6-15-02 - What about monkeys?
Well, I'm back from a great trip to NYC to see Letterman on Thursday evening...just in time to go paint for a jerk!  Stay tuned for an extensive trip report!
6-6-02 - Jebus?
I am damn excited because I recently became the proud recipient of two (2) tickets to Letterman for next Thursday...YEE-HAW!  I'll be heading to NYC Thursday morning with Bossman and we plan to cause some trouble (although I have to be back to work on friday).  Anyway, I'll have an extensive update after I get back, count on that.

I redid the links page, I hope you enjoy them, I know I did.

This is not a joke, but I think you'll find it amusing nonetheless:  there were two woodchucks just chasing each other all over my backyard moments ago...
Just got back from seeing The Sum of All Fears.  As a devout Tom Clancy fan, I was happy to see another of his novels on the big screen.  And while I have nothing but disdain for Ben "Prettyboy" Affleck, he did alright and it was a great movie.  Go see it.  Now.  I should also mention that Dan stepped on some woman's feet because she wouldn't move when we tried to get to our seats... 

...that biatch.

"Go pick up those paint chips."  A simple task, am I right?  Apparently not, as the "shady" dude on my paint crew I referred to in past updates could not figure out just how to pick up said paint chips.  I don't know, maybe I didn't ask it properly.  Maybe I should have said, "Hey Gomer, see that shit that fell off the house when we scraped it five seconds ago?  Yeah, those are paint chips...open your hand and grasp them firmly, then raise them into the air and deposit them in the garbage."  Or maybe I should have said, "PJ...HEY...PJ, pick up dem chips."  I don't know, but about the seventh or eighth time I asked this kid to do it, I decided it was time for him to go home so we could get some work done.  A fantastic end to a mindblowing day.  (tell me, is it me?  did I not ask him right?)

"Squirrels are very adept swimmers, crossing lakes and rivers with ease."



5-27-02 - I'm a staunch supporter of the Hot Dog Socioeconomic Theory

Well, Jenna's graduation party yesterday was great fun, although I was very disappointed by the lack of both hot dogs and Jim Beam.  Ah well, there's always next year...wait, no.  I'm anxiously awaiting Ross posting pictures of the event, so that I can doctor them and put people in compromising positions that will make them feel uncomfortable for years to come.  I'm gonna go steam some franks now. 
Some links you may enjoy: JIMMY;

Ross, I'm still waiting for your answer on the identity of that mysterious being in the picture below...is it Mindy the Hutt (Jabba's lesser-known 3rd cousin)?


5-25-02 - Cannonball Run
Ross, who the f is this?

The 80% of the picture to the right of the individual in question is provided here solely for your amusement.

In other news:


And remember, always bet on Lucky Lindy in the seventh race!

5-22-02 - Ask Sherwin-Williams
Added some pictures, yee-haw. 

In other news, Wolfpack did NOT come through, so I shan't be working at Moog this summer.  Instead, I'll be painting fascia, hard soffits, easy 3 doors, and siding (I be paintin' hooses!).  I'm referring to the CollegePro job I got as a job site manager/foreman.  I've got a crew of 2 working for me (one of them is VERY shady) and we get a new job/house each week.  We'll be working four 10-hour days per week on average, so I'll get friday, saturday and sunday off.  Which is great; more time for weekend grabass! We just finished our first job in 2.5 days, so we're doing well, except for the fact that I am permanently covered in blue, white and gray paint (GO LIONS).  I'll try to rustle up some amusing anecdotes from the job for your enjoyment as the summer drags on (especially ones involving the aforementioned "shady" dude).  Ciao.

5-19-02 - He reads from a card!
5-16-02 - Attack of the Clones kicked my ass!
Holy shit!  Just got back from the midnight show of Attack of the Clones.  I give it eight stars out of two.  All I've gotta say is that Yoda is a freakin' little badass jedi monkey!  Woo!  I was going nuts when I saw that dude spinning around in the air, going nuts like nothing I've ever seen--no, not even a ninja could kick Yoda's ass!  Anyway, get off your butt and go see this movie, it'll slap you silly six ways to Sunday.

I think Ross has a few pics up on his page so take a look at those to see just how the evening went.

In other news, "mesa Aunt Jar Jar-mimah!" and "Oh man, Attack of the Previews!"

5-10-02 - New e-mail
ATTENTION: new e-mail address, jeffgfischer@hotmail.com, please send all future rants, raves, praise, and other correspondence to that address, thank you for your cooperation.


5-4-02 - home for the summer

Wudup hombres; all future updates and rants will appear on this page, just for ease of navigation. The "Discourse on Human Evolution" will now appear in this area as well. 

Well, I'm finally home after a grueling semester of work and television.  Lemme know when you get home, because I be bored.  I've been taking pictures of everything I could think of and thrown it up in the Image Gallery, take a look.  I'll be updating a bunch more so stay tuned... 

In other news,  I had an interview with Moog at 730 this morning, seemed to go well.  We'll see if I get the job next week.  If that falls through, I've got a job as a Job Site Manager with CollegePro (read: I get to tell people how to paint!).   P.J.?...hey...hey...HEY...HEY...HEY!

In yet even more news:  YEAH!